I HATE LAWYERS (Subtitled: A Physician's Lament)

My "ex" long-time boyfriend (with whom I am still friendly and converse regularly) was meeting with a local lawyer in an official capacity recently when my name came up. Something about a will.

He won't own up completely to the content of the conversation (which no doubt means I'm not in the will), but I think they were discussing my long-ago offer to marry him on his deathbed in order to get spousal benefits from the Post Office. Since I got royally-or-should-I-say-Presidentially-shafted by the Feds whilst in public service, you must admit it would be poetic justice;)

Believe it or not, it's still a sore point with him. Can't imagine why:)

(As I recall, the offer was made during a REALLY good fight. Of course, if my "ex" was totally honest about it, he'd have to admit that sticking it to the PO actually appealed mightily to him. And, of course, provided there is no one else in either of our pictures, it remains a sincere standing offer;)

Over a month after-the-fact, it seems that recent events (and this blog) are all "the buzz" at the Randolph County Courthouse. The good-ole-boys of Asheboro's bar are apparently still trying to justify (to the satisfaction of their baby-Borg-collective minds) the end result of last month's farcical cyber-stalking show trial . . . the one in which Greensboro blogger, Jeff Martin, skated off free-as-a-bird despite confessing to the crime online, in the newspaper and on TV.

Not that the ADA presented ANY of this as evidence at the trial.

There's just no way to make that look good.

And yeah, I'm still SEETHING over the way I was treated by the Court. It was shameful. It was just WRONG.

The theory amongst Asheboro's lawyers is that, as a not-so-young-anymore-homegrown-professional-woman-done-horribly-wrong-in-service-to-Randolph-Hospital . . . a woman already battered black & blue by all kinds of misconduct on the civil side of Randolph County's Courtrooms . . . I deserved to be hammered all over again as the victim/witness in a criminal trial . . . by an arrogant, asleep-at-the-wheel judge (brought in especially for the day/occasion), an investigative Sheriff's deputy who apparently didn't conduct ANY KIND of investigation, a grossly-negligent ADA on a short leash, and a defense attorney/Asheboro City Councilman who, in defending his stinky client, did not dare put him on the stand . . . lest his COMPLETELY BOGUS alternative theory of the crime (i.e. that the poor, pitiful, innocent "Fecund Stench" was the undeserving victim of the mean lady doctor) be blown full of holes.

The consensus amongst Asheboro's lawyers seems to be that Dr. Mary Johnson hates lawyers (that, and I remind some people of my Dad . . . which really makes me smile).

Well, yeah, NO FRICKING DUH!

HATE the LAWYERS, I most certainly do.

But I have good reason. And since, according to StatCounter, and with no provocation (yet) by me, someone from the North Carolina Administrative Office of the Courts has been visiting Housecalls on a fairly regular basis, I'd like to make my position crystal clear:

I hate lawyers who creatively interpret employment contracts in ways that no reasonable person ever would . . . or just flat-out breach Federal agreements and dare you to sue.

I hate lawyers who say they're going to do something to help you stop something in its tracks and then don't.

I hate lawyers who bold-face lie to other lawyers (in a "collegial" fashion of course) about a willingness to settle a potentially-very-ugly case before it is filed . . . just to see the cards on the table. (Here's a coulda-woulda-shoulda for the Randolph Hospital Board of Directors & its Medical Executive Committee . . . YOU GOT VERY BAD ADVICE WHEN YOU WERE ADVISED NOT TO OWN UP & PLAY FAIR WAY BACK WHEN.)

I hate lawyers who file bogus SLAPP-suits just to humiliate and intimidate the people already horribly-victimized by their clients . . . and to break their bank accounts (especially when their own shark-fees are being paid by the taxpayers who were already bilked of their initial investment in a physician brought home to serve the medically under-served).

I hate lawyers who do everything they can to rain down maximum embarrassment and humiliation upon their victims . . . say, by filing their despicable/bogus SLAPP-suits on a Friday without giving fair notice to their target or their target's lawyer (but telling the newspaper) . . . or having a Sheriff's deputy serve said SLAPP-suit on their victim at work.

I hate lawyers who suborn perjury . . . who treat the Court with contempt . . . and who orchestrate fraud.

I hate lawyers who are supposed to represent me to the best of their ability, but who LIE to me.

I hate lawyers who negotiate deals on perjured testimony.

I hate lawyers who, when busted on all of the above, smugly "invite" their victims to sue them again (because they know the lawyers on the criminal side of the aisle - charged with enforcing the laws of this state - and protecting the integrity/foundation of the legal system - won't take perjury seriously).

I hate lawyers in DA's offices who tell the public that they are our advocates, but then treat most of us with total contempt . . . lawyers who abuse their "discretion" to block investigations . . . lawyers who pander to "right people" . . . lawyers who won't refer cases when it's obviously WAY over their head or their interests are conflicted . . . lawyers who use professionals badly to secure convictions on crimes said professionals did not actually testify to.

I hate lawyers at the North Carolina State Bar who do not discipline lawyers under their supervision for suborning perjury or lying to their clients or "habitual intemperance" . . . but who will ruthlessly destroy one-of-their-own for purely inane/stupid political reasons over the use of an online nickname.

I hate (the gutless/useless) lawyers who actually run the North Carolina Medical Board (cuz doctors for sure don't).

I hate the lawyers representing the AMA and North Carolina Medical & Pediatric Societies who are much to busy fighting over reimbursements from entitlement programs (and/or to just sit at the Congressional kiddie table) to actually stand and fight for the heart and soul of our profession.

I hate lawyers who defend the indefensible and distort the truth, call it "aggressive representation" and act as if it's a virtue.

I hate lawyers who threaten or file lawsuits in order to "shake the tree".

I hate lawyers who are judges and act uber-arrogantly and/or bully the state's witnesses and/or make their decisions before they even sit down at the bench.

I hate lawyers who are U.S. or state Attorney Generals that sneer and spit at ordinary folks ensnared in legal black holes . . . people they could easily free with just a little light and air.

I hate lawyers who've turned our newspapers into worthless, cowardly shadows & sell-outs of their former selves . . . afraid to practice responsible investigative journalism (lest they be bogusly sued by other lawyers I hate for "libel").

I hate lawyers whose cowardice and/or apathy and/or negligence and/or incompetence have run our regulatory and government agencies and banks and businesses and towns/cities into the ground.

I hate lawyers who are Governors and Senators and even Presidents . . . who preach about hope and change and championing the common man, but then turn out to be all and only about themselves.

I hate the lawyers who are going to defend BP Oil.

But most of all, I have the lawyers who have sat on the sidelines and allowed these things to happen without saying a word or lifting a finger to stop what is going on in their profession . . .

. . . as I have done in my own profession - the profession lawyers LOVE to target above all others.

I HATE lawyers because I graduated from medical school and did a Pediatric residency in order to PRACTICE MEDICINE and take care of sick children (something I am VERY good at - even the bad lawyers who made my life a living HELL said so) . . . NOT spending/wasting so much of my precious time earning some back-yard law degree fighting corrupt, amoral, unethical lawyers.

ALL I EVER WANTED TO DO WAS COME HOME . . . PRACTICE GOOD PEDIATRIC MEDICINE . . . AND LIVE AMONGST MY FAMILY, MY FRIENDS AND MY HISTORY.

WHY WAS THAT SUCH A PROBLEM FOR THE DAMNED LAWYERS?

So yeah. I guess I really do hate lawyers.

My question is, (why) don't you?

I'm too tired to do the links tonight. If you have any questions, it's all in the side-bar.

This post is dedicated to my "ex" . . . who stood by me during some pretty nasty, lonely, awful times . . . and whose beautiful soaring voice blew the shingles off FBC's steeple at Pop's final send-off. I will always love him for that.