Monday, September 11, 2006

Just Quiet

A few months back, while contemplating seeing "United 93", I shared what was going on in my life on 9/11/2001. No need for a repeat today.

After a great first post-op day on Saturday, Saturday night was fitful, and Sunday was a wash-out. Absolutely exhausted, I spent the day in bed . . . either curled up drowsing with the cat . . . or aimlessly channel-surfing. I checked my e-mail, but computer work & blogging were out. My eyeballs (surrounded by wounded & raw sinuses) simply did not want to play. As for the TV fare, between the 9/11 “anniversary” programs and the Crocodile Hunter marathon, an oppressive heaviness fell over the day. I eventually surrendered to a very deep sleep . . . and woke up late this morning after the “official times” of “the anniversary” had passed.

Have you ever been in the middle of a crowded, noisy somewhere and ever looked out beyond it . . . into a blue sky . . . or a lush green field or forest . . . or out over perfectly still/clear aqua water . . . and wondered (1) how you found yourself in the middle of the crowded/noisy somewhere and (2) why couldn’t you be OVER THERE . . . enjoying the quiet . . . basking in the light of a clear blue sky . . . or lost in fresh green fields & forests . . . or bathed in perfect aqua water?

That has always been my question when I look upon the images of 9/11 . . . especially of the people who were crowded in smoke-choked windows, and clinging to hope in the Towers before they fell. After the phone calls were made and the goodbyes were shared, what could these people see and what were they thinking in those last moments when they looked out . . . beyond the heat and the smoke and the terror . . . into a cool, clear blue autumn sky . . . the same unmarred blue sky that I vividly remember looking up to that day, my eyes swimming in tears?

I wonder if their hearts and souls craved the unreachable, perfect quiet? Were their final thoughts a silent scream pleading, "Please God, get me out of here . . . PLEASE let me be OVER THERE!"?

And then the prayer was answered.

I’m going to make some coffee and sit on my back porch now. I may hang a flag today. I may not. I’ll probably light a candle tonight. But apart from that, I think it will be a quiet day. No TV and no Internet . . . nothing that tries to manufacture thoughts and feelings just to serve the fifth anniversary gods.

No noise. No words.

Just quiet.

There’s healing to be done.


mchebert said...

It is a sad day. Sadder than I thought it would be for me.

So much has happened since 9/11/01, a lot of it in my opinion poorly advised, but I think it is worth going back and remembering the event before the politics came.

There has been so much infighting since then, I think we may have forgotten.

Cara Michele said...

>> "Please God, get me out of here . . . PLEASE let me be OVER THERE!"?

And then the prayer was answered. <<

Beautifully written. Thanks for this.